Freeing Yourself From What You’re Not

How conditioning shapes us – and how we find our way back to what’s truly ours.

From a very early age, we are shaped by our surroundings – family, culture, school, media, and society. This shaping is called conditioning, and it influences everything from our values and beliefs to how we behave, speak, and even dress. The tricky part? Most of it happens unconsciously.

As children, we absorb what is “normal,” what is “good,” what we “should” do, and who we are supposed to be. At some point in adulthood, many of us start to feel a disconnect. We begin to ask: Is this belief really mine? Do I actually want this – or have I been taught to want it?

That moment of realization is the beginning of de-conditioning. But it’s not a quick fix. It takes time, awareness, and often repeated effort to unravel years – or decades – of unconscious programming.

What science says about conditioning

Neuroscience confirms that much of our behavior is built on repeated neural pathways. The more often a belief or behavior is repeated, the more "automatic" it becomes – even if it no longer serves us.

But the brain is not fixed. Thanks to neuroplasticity, we can form new pathways. This is how we can gradually unlearn what doesn’t belong to us and learn new ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. However, these new patterns take repetition and time – which is why we often fall back into old conditioned habits, especially in moments of stress.

A personal example: a ring and a story

Just yesterday, something small reminded me how deep conditioning goes. My mother gave me one of her rings as a gift. I was so happy and wanted to wear it immediately. But the ring only fits one finger: the ring finger of my left hand – traditionally reserved for an engagement or wedding ring.

Instantly, a conditioned voice inside me said: “You can’t wear it there – people will think you’re engaged!” I almost didn’t wear it. I even considered getting it resized.

But during a yoga class, I shared this little story – and one woman asked, “Why do you care? Who says you can't wear it on that finger?” Another woman told me she wears her engagement ring on her middle finger because it feels more comfortable.

That’s when I realized: I was letting a cultural norm decide what I do – even though it has nothing to do with who I am.

So now, I wear the ring proudly on the ring finger. Because why not?

Unconditioning takes time – but it’s worth it

Freeing ourselves from old conditioning doesn’t happen overnight. Sometimes we fall back into old beliefs. But with every moment of awareness, we grow closer to our truth. Step by step, we begin to live a life that’s truly ours.

✨So let me ask you: What are you conditioned for – that you are now trying to unlearn?

And what might change in your life if you let that conditioning go?